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April 28, 1999


Your Job interferes with your chat time.
Your idea of sex involves a keyboard and all the dirty words your momma told you never to use.
Your monitor has lip prints all over it.
You get more mail delivered from your server than your postman.
You go to the County Clerk's office and apply for a marriage license between you and your motherboard.
You have to check Encarta Encyclopedia for the definition of "sun".
You look for ways to enhance your systems instead of your life.
You get jealous when someone else looks at your monitor.
You compare processor sizes instead of your children's accomplishments.
You sleep with your harddrive.
You rearrange your furniture for easy access to your computer from anywhere in the house.
You forget how to turn on the T.V.
You wonder what that big black box in the livingroom is.
You buy a high tech security system for your home to protect your computer from thieves instead of your stereo and T.V.
Your house looks like Computers R Us exploded.
When a storm hits you unplug the computer and forget about the TV and stereo.
Your definition of a date involves a private room with the security turned on.
You ask the college dean where to sign up for Chat 101.
You go to buy a new car and ask the salesman where the keyboard and modem are and how much RAM it has instead of horsepower.
You think flowers smell like paper and ink.
Someone asks you for your number and you give them your ICQ UIN.
When you license your car your plates match your chat name or email address.
When someone asks where you live your reply includes ".com".
When someone says "ut Oh" your right finger twitches.
Your theme song is "User is Online"
Your keyboard reaches the toilet.
You install a portapotty next to the computer.
The Pizza Delivery boy knows you by your chat name.
Your fine china is made by Chinet Paper Products.
You have a dinner party and everyone gathers around your monitor to view your website instead of your slides from last summers family vacation.
You can no longer distinguish between chat and reality.
When your in a room with other people and it gets quiet you try to check to see if your screen froze.
When someone asks "what did you say?" you tell them to Scroll Back.
Your children welcome you to the living room.
You turn off all other electrical appliances in the house so you can hear your Ut Oh's.
You move the coffee pot next to your computer.
You buy a mini fridge and set it within chair rolling distance of your computer.
Your wife asks you to unzip her dress for her and you think of your computer.
The mat at your front door says "Welcome to"
You start hating T.V. commercials because you know someone will want to talk to you again.
You carry your laptop everywhere.
Someone tells a joke and you shout "LOL LOL"
You leave a room and say "BRB"
You re-enter a room and say "IS BACK!!!!!!"
Your wife spends so much chatting you begin to think "AFK" stands for Away From Kitchen.
Your family and co-workers have to use your chat name to get your attention.
The first thing you hug in the morning is your monitor.
You start pacing the floor and having withdrawals when your ICQ goes down.
You have a second phone line installed so you can chat with your friends online and on the phone at the same time.
You spend more time in a chat room than in your bedroom.
Your wife emails you when dinner is ready.
You stop making out with your date when you hear "uT oH".
Your therapist tells you that you need a life, and you reply with "No what I NEED is a ISDN line".
Tech support calls You for help.
You find yourself trying to cock your head at 90 degrees when you smile :-)
You have called out someones chat name while making love to your significant other.
You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".
Three words : Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
Your idea of a family reunion involves ICQ chat.
You've ever been the first person in AND the last person out of a chat room.
You carry pictures of your computer in your wallet INSTEAD of pictures of your children.
All of your shopping is done at the iMall.
You've seen a member of the opposite sex in real life that you are attracted to and you wish he or she would IM you.
You don't understand the humor in the above since the "real" world is at your finger tips.
You walk into a room and finding it has more than 25 people, you inform management that there is an error.
When looking at road signs you wonder why they are always yelling at you.
You go up to people you are attracted to in "Real Life" and ask them for their GIF.
Although you don't know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people hitting on your cyber love.
You don't have a clue what your lover looks like.
When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word "i" should be capitalized.
When your computer is down you watch TV with the closed captioning turned on so you can feel as though your in a chat room.

You find yourself sneaking out of bed and going to the computer while your spouse is sleeping.

You turn down the lights and close the blinds so the neighbors don't know you're online again!

You know more about your CHAT friends' daily routine than your spouses'.

You find yourself lying to others about your time online and when they complain that your phone was busy for hours, you claim the cat knocked it off the hook.

You have an identity crises when you see someone with a chat name similar to yours.

Youwould rather tell people those bloodshot eyes are from partying all night than the truth---you're were online ALL night AGAIN!
You change your screen name so often you have to look at your profile to remember who you are.

You go into labor and have to stop to type a special message to all your online friends telling them you'll be away for a bit and how your feeling.

You marry your cyber love and you both sit at your own computers chatting to each other all night from the same room.

You understand the humor in this page because you've committed these acts yourself.

Your dog growls at your computer because you pay more attention to the computer than the dog.

You log on and are immediately hit with 10 IM's from people who have you on their buddy list.

You constantly find yourself doing things you said you would never do when you first got online, because you swore it was impossible to become addicted.

You have a map on your wall with LOTS and LOTS of red thumbtacks marking where your chat friends live.

You look at an annoying person in real live and wish you had the ignore button handy.

You start bringing a sack luck and cooler to the computer with you.

Your spouse kisses you on the cheek when you're online and you instantly think "Cyber Perv!"

You suffer withdrawal if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.

You understand what BIF, ISO, and BIM means. (if you get this one... you've been hanging around in some strange places).

You sit on a donut pillow to avoid hemmoroids because you've already had the operation a dozen times.

You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.

You have your computer set so it goes directly into the Chat welcome screen.

New Addictions!!!!!!

You wait online for 6 hours for your cyber love to come home from work and get online.

You end all your sentences with three or more periods while writing letters by hand.

Your online relationship has gone farther than any real life one you ever had.

You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and turn on your computer instead.

You don't even notice typo's anymore

You enter a room and 23 or more people greet you with {{hugs}} or XXX kisses

You stop typing whole words and start typing things like ppl, dunno, lemme, ty, wb, hb

Your answering machine or voicemail message says "BRB, leaver your message and I'll TTYL"

There have been Chataholics to visit this site since its launching on April 19, 1998.

Sorry but there have been so many requests for updates that I cannot handle them all myself anymore. After over one year online the requests still come in daily. So I will not be adding any more names to the update list. Please bookmark this page so you can return to it at a later time. This page will be moving to a new location soon, so keep watching for the new address, I'll let you know here when it has moved so you can bookmark the new page. Thanks for all your support this past year!

Thanks for visiting, we hope you had as much fun reading our list as we did creating it. Stop back in anytime to see the additions, and feel free to pass the URL along to friends, co-workers, and your favorite chataholic.

Thanks to the following for helping create the first list: featherofangel, Rtlady1, Cyber_Sniper38, Huskers__1 and Tumbleweed1971. Thanks also to our many visitors that have sent ideas for additional addictions.
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